Yu-Gi-Oh! - Guardians of Evolution - Stage I

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Yu-Gi-Oh! E.G.G by grezar


Stage I - A request for Help. A request for Evol

There was once a boy, a 15th year boy named, Hugh, a lonely boy, who had only a few friends. At school of Northeast Domino city, he stayed behind one of the school's building, alone. No one dare itself to be near him, and he did that same thing, people started to think he was sick or had some mental problem, the reason why was when he was a little boy he and his parents decided to stay in the hotel, it was the Christmas eve, that eve ruined his life, during that night the hotel burned, and as the flames got stronger, the hotel started to get weaken until it gave up of standing up, the hotel collapsed no one knew why or how but they knew, that hotel wasn't the only building that collapsed, half of the city was devastated, and he and 12 people survived in a hotel with 85 people, living the rest of his life with no love from his mother, his father tried his best to keep his spirit up, but it was futile, years past and he kept with the same face, the same sadness and the same little happiness.

At school, he is one of the best students, but the teachers ask themselves:
"How come a student with such grades doesn't have a lot of friends?"
Hugh had friends, a few neighbors and a few classmates. One night, a starlight night, he was at his grandparent's farm due to his father being at work and not available to take care of him. He decided to go for a walk around the crops, Hugh looked upon the sky and saw a shooting star and he wished.

- I wish to undo my marked past.

But as he wished, the shooting star started to become bigger, the shooting star was coming towards him. Hugh realized that it wasn't a shooting star but a meteor, scared, Hugh tried to run to avoid the impact but it seems that the more he ran the more it chased him, when it collapse with the ground it sent big multiple shock waves that affect everything around Neo Domino city. Scientists were amazed that a small meteor could send powerful shock waves and it didn't destroy any town with the impact.

Hugh was in bad shape, he ended up to be transported to a Hospital, and the impact left him temporary in coma. While sleeping, he could see it all, a teenager and a black dragon on his side, chasing Hugh like he was some prey. After a few months he woke up, but he could not make many efforts, he still needed to rest a lot a probably go to school a month later.

When that month end, Hugh left school and went to home, Hugh's home was far away from the city you may say that he lived on an abandoned farm, so he needed to catch a lot of buses to get home.
During that day, on his way to home, he observed that he was being followed; Hugh felt something behind him, something that he felt before, something warm, while he was on the hospital. While being followed, Hugh got scared and didn't hesitate, he began to run, until he made a bad turn and end up in a dark ally, shadows were around him. Hugh turned around and yelled.

- What do you want from me?!

And then a reptile with strange tail appeared, Hugh was confused on how such a small thing could scare him. Little he knew, there was a bigger shadow behind him.

- Who are you? – Hugh asked

When Hugh asked, a big dragon came out of the shadows and answer.

- My name is Laggia, one of the Emperors of Agia and I need your help. – Said the big dragon

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Hey Guys! I'm gonna start posting E.G.G. here, like I'm going to post it's sequel very soon. I hope you all like it and any suggestion or any critic feel free to say it. Just 1 thing, this is my first time making a fan fic so I might screw up a little or the story makes no sense (sometimes), but maybe at the start of the second season of this fan fic, you will see some changes.
© 2013 - 2024 EvolKing96
Comments3
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PinkComma's avatar
I like it. However I have a few tips for you. Please take this as constructive criticism. This is not meant to bash you in any way.

First of you use WAY too many commas. In the first paragraph you have only three dots and 22 commas. I would advise to try to connect each sentence with fewer commas. For example:

"There was once a boy, a 15th year boy named, Hugh, a lonely boy, who had only a few friends. At school of Northeast Domino city, he stayed behind one of the school's building, alone."

Can be made into:

"There was once a young boy in the age of 15 with the name Hugh. He was quite lonely really few friends. At his school, located Northeast of Domino City, he keeps himself away from others behind the school."

As you can see this is my version of how the start could be done. Way less commas and like yours it is also only two sentences.

But keep it up! :D